I'm still trying to figure it out, but i don't think the posts here are salvage-able. I might skim through archives for some worthwhile posts to move there, but that will be the extent of the shift.

I present to you... (and i'm very happy whenever i get to monopolise my name):

http://xiao.wordpress.com

you know what, because i'm using blogdrive, i can't export my posts to another blog site. what a great way for them to limit bloggers to sticking to their old domains huh

I promise myself to get a camera charger (because i think we lost ours, anyone knows where to buy one?) and start taking more pictures of my self/surroundings/people around me. It's not so much of a narcissistic want but a need to start documenting memories. I don't have photo frames because I have no good pictures to put it in, and i have but 2 very good pictures of me and the bf. Really.

So even though i do not like the camera, i must must start.

I also promise my hair and teeth to look for remedies to beautify them. My teeth is (according to the dentist) way beyond repair, whilst the hair that used to be super oily is now super dry. Why can't it stay in the middle. Traitor.

I'll have to get a laptop in the next few months. What do you think would be a good laptop that has the capacity for games and super-quick loading of stuff? I'm sure you know by now that i'm a complete tech dummy.

Really, if i start selling cards no one will buy it? Or is it just the characteristic refusal to comment on my posts?

Sometimes i wish i can be entirely truthful to all of you (you being my close friends). Once i break that barrier i would have no qualms at all writing anything i want on my blog. I keep certain thoughts for fear of repercussions... actually that's all. My fear is when you know me you won't come close anymore. But then again, what friendship is it if all you know about me is only what i choose to show you and not all?

It's okay. You'll know one day anyway.

This is why they say my blog's become emo. Though i don't see much emo-ness in it, since these are occupying my thoughts very much, and most of them are just questions usual to any human being. Urgh. i really need to de-nocturnalise myself. my head's starting to throb.

Well, I think my lack of updates (or maybe it's the A2 exams which means everyone IS diligently studying wow) has caused the almost-demise of my blog. I only have about 20 readers per day (does that mean half of my readers are from A-levels? oh my) which in all honesty is really sad. Anyway, hi friend friend and friend whom i haven't seen in ages. I honestly hope i kicked Sociology's ass, but we'll never know until a season has passed.

As a super emergency I resorted to paying for p1 broadband, though i really didn't want to. You guys have no idea how condusive is NO INTERNET, NO GOOD ASTRO CHANNELS, and NO GOOD STORYBOOKS to studying. Trust me, it works fairly well. Except the laptop i'm using has dotA with AI, thus i'm quite well-equipped in the aspect of distractions. Sadly, that one program is enough. who invented it? *die*

This was what i wrote at 6AM today, which due to the lack of internet access is penned instead. Here i re-immortalise it:

At 6am, if you look out of your bedroom window, you will see nothing, no movement, except for the occasional car either rushing home from a graveyard shift or rushing to work. I hear the sounds punctuating the stillness and know that it's what i dread about what we call growing up, or responsibility, or terms synonymous to waking up before the break of dawn to meet the bills. I've realised part of why i choose (i think it's an unconscious choice for everyone) to be in my own brand of ignorance is because i can't bear to think of 6am mornings, to face the mundane.

I've just emerged from Nicholas Sparks' A Walk to Remember with eyes that will definitely remain sore the next day, despite having read it before. I suppose part of why the tears poured so much was because while reading, images of joel and i when we first starting out kept flashing within the other world i was immersed in. We were sweet, in love, and we still very much are. But a lot of things changed since then. i know i cannot be as young and innocent as before, i require change to adapt to the world i'm about to face, i require experience, i require a roof to not be available for me any time i want it to be, i need to take the mundane out of what i'm supposed to face, i need to face it and stop my willing ignorance. And i guess a book is what i really am, i'm still within it. i've confined myself since long ago into a fairytale and now even with that realisation, i am reluctant to tear the pages.

Though, everyday i work to flip each page over. I do want to try working (part time, for the moment), just to see how clumsy i'll be to actually being able to serve. I want. it ends with a full-stop here because the list will be just another ramble of self-sufficient dreams. I've learnt that i need to put things in motion, instead of just mere whims.

I've lived through my life with no excitements whatsoever. Till now, I don't think there is an instance i can call myself 'truly happy'.

It is now 6.20 in the morning. Take a look out of your window and what do you see? In my state now, I see no chance of 'happily ever after' happening. i'm far from an ingrate, i'm thankful for the blessings i've had in my life. However, i'm sure happiness comes with effort, so how is it obtainable for a person who's never had to work hard for anything in life so far? No accomplishments, no values to be proud of, unsure of maintaining the love i want for my life. so many incentives to break through complacency, yet it's that selfsame thing that holds the being back. I'm lost in all my abilities and knowledge because they turn out to be illusions of deception anyway. I hold nothing of myself I can claim to be proud about.

6.30am -  the birds have stopped chirping. Look out of your window and what do you see?

Whaaaaaat do you do when you have study blues?

and not have anything to blog about since everyday is sleep-wake up-food-stare-study-gurgle-sleep?

SO.

These are my 'big plans' after A2 - all of which have been put on hold because of the 'bloody important exams' which, truth be told, is probably not very important at all:

1. read a book every week.
2. start making cards to sell
3. find a part time job and get a new phone
4. re-do SATs, get wonderful score and apply for Columbia U, hoho.
5. going to langkawi with the old gang of han shan des and nic
6. watch lots of movies and understand script-writing
7. blog more often
8. start writing short stories again

Honestly, it doesn't look like a long list but i don't think i can accomplish all that in a few months. Grr.

Someone pray for my socio please

<3

Whilst stopping at an intersection a few days ago, I had the privilege of having front row seats to watch a dozen or so crows feast over a mutilated rat. I call it a privilege because it is an amazing thing to witness - the beastiality of nature. The crows are quite a peaceful bunch actually, they picked on it one by one, and rarely fought to get in on the meat.

I looked to the left and saw an old couple looking at the selfsame sight, shaking their head at, i presume, its ferociousness. I was slightly amused at their disapproval of the sight. For one, I see it as nature in its glory, hunter hunts the hunted. Another, aren't we humans just like that bunch of crows? Fighting each other for that little bit of the best piece of meat?

I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN 2 WEEKS. *grovels and begs for forgiveness*

i'm terribly sorry. So here's a rushed update. I crossed the road to the boyfriend's place for his internet. TEEHEE yes we've finally moved in to the new house in ss17! You can finally stop rolling your eyes (this is an inside joke. My old friends used to roll their eyes when i said 'gonna move in soon' because i've been saying that since form 1.. my dad's been saying that since i was form 1!!!

However, sadly nothing's been new with me. 9 days to the first A level paper.. it's sad how socio is sort of my favourite subject (i actually like all 3.. thus the sort of..?) but i can't seem to answer questions. Grr.

Grr is now my favourite expression. Miu's a little unused lately.

Just a thought/tentative plan... if i start selling cards will anyone buy it?